fuck you for fucking me over you fuckin fuck
I was just at the church crying happy tears of joy at my girls in the Christmas production at the church. Before it was over I am hysterical, may never see my oldest child again, I broke the windshield in the car and it is fucking on. I have sat and tried to do the right thing and shut up and just be there when I was allowed for my child. It ends now. I am going full on psycho like I should have 9 years ago. my beautiful child that i love so much had fear in her eyes and hid behind her friends and cried because we were going to give her a ride home. i am sick. I should have ran and grabbed her 9years ago. Now it ends I am telling everyone everything that was ever done to me. Like getting a restraining order on me, then calling the police and saying I broke it and having me arrested. How I was pregnant with the twins and came to see Tawni at Christmas and Tony had asked me to marry him and she put THC in my cupcake so I would fail a UA and I spent 17 days in jail, not to mention what damage it could have done to the twins. How my child was coached before court and told a judge she had seen drug paraphernalia in my home when she had never and didn't even know about drugs until she saw them at someone else's house and was told what they were. Taught her to lie in Superior Court or even worse brain washed to believe it. All of this because i feared my child being at a strangers house for 48 hours in foster care because 1/2 of the kids in foster care or in broken homes are molested. My mother in law should be in prison for what she has done to me, just on legal standing alone, morally she should go to hell and my child should be told all of this to know who she should fear. It isn't me. I made a mistake, and if you listened to the whole story you might understand it, being afraid to sleep because you are alone with a child who has 1 kidney and can't have surgery for 6 months being afraid i would go to sleep and wake up and she would be dead. I was supposed to be apart from her for 48-72 hours--9 years ago. I never wanted Tawni to know any of this, I didn't want the rest of my girls to know I wanted their grandparents in their lives and for her to just be sorry and make it right. Now i will probably have to move to keep from going to jail or god only knows. but i will tell my child what that bitch has done to me, because she never will, she will never say she is sorry or admit what she did and that makes her worse than anyone I have ever met in AA or NA. You shouldn't have lied about me and stolen my child, you should have made this right and for what happened today I swear you will suffer or at least i will make sure people look at you like my child and her friends looked at me just now. You leave my child with people who do worse things than I do (drugs/drinking/child molesters) and lie about me doing them. You drugged me for christ sake with full knowledge that I would go to prison for 10 years. oh and dont forget having CPS lie and tell my child and the police that I hit my child during a visit. In case anyone thinks this is too horrible to be true, why do you think I have never told anyone, or not too many people, because it used to make people cry and I couldn't take the pity, I didn't want to think about how much I love anyone I know and how I would never lie to get what I wanted much less to hurt someone and end up here. my child surely won't remember the day before i lost her being at Tony's house and Tawni begging her grandma to let us stay there and sleep before trying to move up to Prescott, screaming for her grandma and she looked right at her and said "NO". and i didn't want her to know. Now i will tell this and every other shitty thing that i have had to overcome or let go because i didn't want my kids to grow up alone without any other family around us. I didn't want them to know what was done to me at their age and I wanted people to be what my mom raised me to be honest, caring, loving, fair, and to do things the right way and the honest way. I didn't want to tell them that liars, and cheats and abusive people always win because they suck. I was alone and afraid and just had my father and step mom murdered, I had turned in my step dad and my sister had used my identity. My roommate (who is now dead) was leaving town and my 2nd family was gone and only my bff's dad and step mom were left here. They couldn't save me or take care of me against all of this shit. I have to stop and I'm sorry you had to hear any of this. I was planning to go to Prescott and have my rights restored and finally be back to the only person a lot of my friends knew who didn't have a criminal record, rarely got in trouble and try to win back my child--then the engine blew on my van I had for a month and we arrived here. The last time I saw my father alive he had finally come to AZ to see me, only because he had been lied to so much I guess he had to see for himself and he left and then he was gone and amazingly I was a suspect for a long time as I sensed something while they were being murdered and was constantly recalling his house leaving hysterical messages. I am no longer anything I have ever been. I am full of hate and rage and anger. I will get revenge and justice somehow. If you think I will rollover and just forget when someone has taken anything from me you are wrong. I will find a way to make someone pay for all of what was done to me and I hope it kills me. That bitch now owes me 1 child, 1 car windshield, a fucking apology and deserves to have to tell everyone what she did especially my child and should have to sit in jail for what she did. at least should have to apologize to all the people she used to, as she put it "psychologically screw with people and make them afraid of everything". I am only sorry my child will surely grow up scarred from this, as will her sisters (who already are i'm sure from being shut out by her) but I can't let it go. That look in her eyes should be for her grandmother not me. Thanks for helping me get this strong, for being there and being wonderful and I'm sorry if it seems like caring for me was for nothing. I think it was not. I would have killed myself long before she was even a thought and otherwise the day they took her. I thought it was going who picked me up and kept me going. I no longer believe there is a God or else none of this could have possibly gone on this long and for today to have been ruined. Because if there is, then he watches this shit go on and does nothing to stop it with his "mighty god" power.
