More Pieces to the Puzzle, If There is One to Put Together

FACEBOOK:  HIT AND RUNS.

Posted momentarily between 02/19/2016 and 02/21/2016.  Then thought better of it and removed.  While my mom was dying.

RIP Mom--- 4/1/1046-5/2/216

Tami Tillman commented on her own post.  On top of that tony's parents called to make sure "it wasn't all crazy over here because my mom is sick". Fuck you give me my child and I will take care of her no matter what else is going on you fucking hypocrites. I am no longer accepting any bullshit off anyone and if I get loud and crazy it's because I have every right to. so if you aren't doing what is right and fair and what you should be doing stay the hell away from me because I will call you out and take you out if I have to, to preserve my sanity and my family.
Tami Tillman updated her status.  Today I am blessed to know finally that I am fine. I am not dramatic or over emotional or bipolar. I am normal, despite the bullshit people try to saddle me with. I just need to say that my mother snuck her cell phone to call me about 15 times yesterday to come to TX. My aunt this morning had to relay a message that if I went to TX "I would have the door slammed in my face" and a neighbor who ... (See More—lost when saving)

Tami Tillman commented on her ownpost.   As of 30 min ago, I am sorry I bothered any of you with this. Or my  "family". You have all been around my whole life to pick me up when they  have done shitty thing after shitty thing to me. You are my friends despite  them, and I worked hard at being worth of being a friend in return, and I alone choose to be a decent human being and other respectable traits that  I now know are mine, by choice a... (See More—lost when saving)
Tami Tillman commented on her ownpost.   If you all want to write her that's fine. Her son just informed me if I  went to TX "he would lock the door and not let me in". And my mom’s  friend said "she is penniless and not safe". oh my fucking god. I'm sorry  I ever asked any of your to care about any of them. I lost everything when  Wendi used my identity. My mom whisked her off to TX and left me to get  her record off my name and start over.. (See More—lost when saving)

Tami Tillman replied to Katrina Miller Pierce's comment.   There is nothing more to say. I was just told now that "Dakota will lock  the door and not let me in and my mom now doesn't want me there" her  neighbor friend said "she is penniless and not safe". Fuck them. Someone  ought to tell that little asshole that his mother is the one who ruined my life  and my mom shouldn't have been talking shit about me to her friends I guess because they will believe her. Funny strangers who just meet me  trust me with their homes, their kids; their money and these assholes get  no credit for any of it. I can believe I wasted one minute worrying about  her.     Hoping you are all having a blessed day. Got the kids off to school.  Left a msg for my new doctor to see if she would consider me healthy  enough to donate bone marrow. Don't even know if that will be an option, things are moving oddly fast and in other ways so damn slow.  Blessed to have 2 of my aunts' to talk to and knowing that I will be able to get to TX is huge right now. It is the timing that is hard to  wait for. I am waiting to hear from my cousin and then talk to my mom at least one more time and make sure she needs me there. I want  to believe she will just be fine. Feels weird just wanting to make sure  I don't miss saying good-bye. At least I know now no matter what I  think or feel isn't going to change what is going happen. She told me a few years ago she would never be back to AZ again. I thought how awful  that she would live out the rest of her long life never seeing my children. In hindsight I feel like she must have been getting sick then. Off to  get my ducks in a row since I don't think I even own a suitcase, but hell I guess when someone asked how long my mom thought I should stay she  said "30 minutes "so maybe I don't need one. Trying to laugh but when it's  quiet I can't help but follow her advice and "put myself in her shoes" and  "think how I would feel if it were me" and then just knowing that people  all make choices and some are made for them and I am very blessed to  have you all and at least the last thing I said to her was not something  rude, it was I love you and maybe we'll have more time to say it again,  I know if not there are a shitload of angels ready to take care of her and  I miss them all. ♥♥
Tami Tillman updated her status. Feb 19, 2016 9:42am      Thanks, again, for your love and support. Still back to unsure on my mom. It is a little unnerving how easy it is to get out of touch with someone. My mom is in the hospital overnight. Starting some treatments that are  making her memory foggy. Other friends are helping her get around but I am not in touch with said people. My aunt will get me there when and  if needed.  My mom asked me to come and we all know that is significant  on so many levels only to determine which one. I will try not to overwhelm everyone and keep you updated. I am oddly calm. I have had a lot of  preparation for disaster and i am also equally unprepared. Going to wait til morning and see what is next. You all sharing your experience,  strength and hope with me has at least enabled me to feel a sense of  calm right now. I am also so empathetic that I know I can feel her  fear and pain as well. I only hope that somehow helps ease it for her.   Keep those good thoughts coming and I will keep you updated.  I talked to her and she just isn’t herself.  I wouldn’t wish this shit n my worst  enemy, but it  never seems to hit them, hmmm that is something to consider, sorry  couldn’t help myself.  ty katrina will take a look thank you again
Tami Tillman commented on her own post.      Looks like my mom could just use prayers right now and my husband  is going to need the strength to take care of these kids while I am gone.

Tami Tillman commented on her own post.      I need help. My mom has called me and asked me to be in Austin, tx  tony doesn't get paid until Tuesday and we have had them start working on  my car. Can anyone help me get a ticket there? She has never even wanted  me there before and now wants me there, so she is not going to make it and  I want to be there.
Tami Tillman updated her status.
Cathy Martin her return address doesn't have the 1943718 Hobby on it,  do we need it on there to send something to her? Tami Tillman wrote on Wendi Tillman's Timeline.
If you haven't written a letter in a while, Wendi would love to hear  anything from any of you. She is in a horrible place and has expressed that  she would be very grateful to hear anything from all of you. She is trying to  stay sane in a very insane place. I can respect that for sure. Today she  described one of her "neighbors" to me. The lady had taken her ex-boyfriends  son, killed him, and scattered the pieces in a field because he broke up with  her and wouldn't take her back. This is just one highlight and I will spare you all the rest. She has been a little shy of being an angel herself but never  on THAT level. So even if you just say hi, tell her about your day and maybe send a picture of the sunrise or sunset from where you are it may help her make it through this. She is trying to get into a program for people who  train dogs to be service dogs for disabled veterans. She missed the last  interview as she was away on medical appt. to find out what is wrong  with her throat/glands. So for now she works in the boiler room, yep my  sister. Just checking gauges "to make sure the place doesn't blow up". I had  to kind of giggle at that. Anyway, she is a very humble Wendi right now  so I thought I would express this for her. She has definitely paid for her mistake this time. Her and a new "friend" had a hard time at Christmas and made light of the fact, but it is sad, that "the child molesters and  murderers get more mail and visitors than they do". Yes, female child  molesters, and women who have thrown kids off a freeway, locked them in car trunks for being too noisy, and they died. She has had her  moments but this is pretty extreme.      Anyway, she wouldn't want pity so I will stop; she just asked if anyone  had mentioned they might write. I am pretty lax with sending/receiving  mail to and from jail. If for some reason that type of issue is stopping you.  Feel free to email me the letter and i can print it out and send it to her for  you. Then scan and send back when she writes. Or whatever I can do to  help. My email is tttinaz@msn.com just put for Wendi in bold letters for the subject. Wendi Tillman 1943718 Hobby 742 FM 712 Marlin, TX 76661

Tami Tillman updated her status.   I need a huge house. I need to be able to bring all of our family's  wayward children here to me. Tony's sister’s kids, my sisters kid, any other  kids that are feeling that way. I was remembering recently that I had taken  care of a couple nieces of boyfriends in the past. Oh yeah and babysat the  kids of ladies who worked the strip clubs. Very trying when you are single,  24 and still very much a child. Sometime later at the ER with Tawni  (kidney was not connected and we were just finding out) this lady was  ready to give me her teenage daughter. She was literally working out  how she could pay me and make the hand off. I would have if she insisted, better me than some alternative "hand off" I thought for the beautiful child of about 14. I have never been perfect, nor more qualified than  any other person for sure, just a fierceness to protect kids from a  particular danger first, and then any other that I could. But today, I need to be able to mother these kids just a little and let them all know  they have a place to be. Like the Bader family and so many others did  for me.  Pray for my mom please, she really was the person who gave  me all the words that challenged me to be a good person and kept me honest and loyal and loving. I want to believe she will live forever, but little miss high hopes has learned lately that nothing is forever and no  life isn't fair. She taught me that too. This was inspired by not knowing how to get a hold of him and this weird secrecy my mom has with her  life. Like I am some kind of monster, which feels like shit. I get up most days hoping to help someone in the world not feel like I have felt so  many times in life. Weird, I know.

With Age Comes Wisdom. Or More Questions......

It's my middle of the week day off.  Generally all mapped out to do great things, complete tasks, or some half baked plan to run amuck.   Not today.  No big plans.  Then the house clears, I clear my head, and start to whittle away at all the big things on my plate.  Someday I will find a way to explain it all.  Either in the spirit of helping some other soul being tortured or for my kids.  They certainly don't need to know all of the gory details of my life and pity isn't ever what I am trying to inspire in anyone.

So, lately, I have been able to sit quietly and take the "mess of the day" and turn it into some deep question for others to ponder (hopefully) and possibly comment back with their insight or opinions.  Always having more than one desired result that is acceptable makes feeling useless dissipate, so I figure I will at least be able to conquer a problem through "self talk", and finally I hope to at least describe to someone I love how much thought, love, effort and work I put into solving any issue and leaving someone else unscathed.

Laughing at myself now, realizing this will probably sound like 1/2 insane gibberish, but still hopeful that if you know me it will make sense.  If you don't know me, that this will make sense in the end, or at least make for an interesting read.

Tasks for the day include getting my information to Texas Probate court so my in laws will not get away with keeping me from my mother as she died, taking what inheritance was left to me and my children and lastly making them sorry they tried to make me believe she wrote me out of her last wishes.  Second battle, custody and care of my oldest child, and if it works out calling CPS out on their tactics and drawing attention to their enabling the abuse and literal court assisted kidnapping.  Third is clearing up and understanding all there is to know about health insurance.  One big issue that closed yesterday was my FMLA  (family and medical leave).  It was approved finally and I no longer risk losing my job for absences.  Seems I was also grouped in with some people who were abusing the process.  Only difference is that I was not abusing it and someone took the liberty of lying when their opinion was that I had been and just hadn't been caught.

Motto of the day "always live like someone is watching", oops there are two "doesn't matter, my story is the same, no matter who I am talking to".  Would be nice to add "cheaters (and liars) never prosper" as opposed to the age old "nobody said life would be fair".

Now off to clean my desk and make some progress.  Also find those Metallica tickets my husband claims would be lost if he gave them to me.  They are in here somewhere.  Nothing worse than him being able to claim he's the responsible one in the bunch, that is my title and I will regain the crown soon even with no one in particular to answer to.  They are all gone, luckily I always liked being held accountable as it kept me out of prison and good graces with wonderful people.  Beats being alone.

Laughing at me again.  The title was my original reason for being inspired to write.  I stopped to think, the other day sitting after my visit to the Family Services Office, about worst nightmares.  You know those things you think about, see others going through, watch on the news, that make you say out loud as a child "that's my worst nightmare, I could not imagine that happening to me, I would die if it ever.....".  I was living probably the final one and way too calm.  Was I in shock?  Was I just crazy and couldn't react to the very serious situation?  Was I in denial?  In the car with my friend Robbie who was awesome enough to go with me for support, I felt stronger, more determined.  I think even she half expected me to do something crazier.  So today, a week later, sitting in the bathroom (where I do most of my talking to God or the Mother Ship or whomever is out there seeming to guide us) that maybe all of my life the things that came to mind as worst nightmares were the things I was predetermined some how to being prepared to endure.  Maybe not so much a sentence for some crime committed, although while writing the thought does enter my mind, possibly a set of choices made would inevitably land me dealing with something??  Or maybe it was just my purpose.  More questions now start to enter my mind and I have to get to work on the issues at hand.  I have a knack for writing and just letting the words form without thinking them through and occasionally that is when "the message" comes to light, for me, or someone else.

Laughing at me again (keeps others from doing it first) and how crazy this all must sound.  Probably the reason I started putting it down "on paper" as the things I see and do, the connections to the oddest of things, the "signs" I see around me that seem to guide me (when they used to make me nervous or cause some paranoia) are too cool to just let go.  I am hopeful in my heart that I may be able to teach my children early on to follow those signs and spare themselves some grief and wasted energy and help them be happy, well adjusted blessings in this life and who knows maybe change the world.  It is much better than believing that the feeling they each had a great purpose for being here was just a lie to convince me to carry them all to term despite the obvious things I was lacking and fear I would sentence them to a life of horror and neglect.

If nothing else this just reminded me that my mother once told me that I cared for a set of puppies with more love and attention than some people cared for their children and that there was no way anything could suffer if it was loved by me as I wouldn't let it.  Gawd I miss her.