The funniest part, which landed this here instead of facebook, is 4 paragraphs down.......Imagine if I had something to say....

OK, so at work, finally signed up for (cross your fingers, knock on wood, say two hail Mary's and yo-Jesus if you ever want her to shut up-----) health care, dental, vision.  

I had 15 minutes before my shift was over and finally had access to what everyone else had 15 days to do.  A lovely coach let me stay logged in to go over it (has to be signed up by 5/28 and I have to be logged in to access it on the virtual desktop).  

Anyway, what has made me nervous since Obama hit office, didn't seem too bad.  Not perfect by any means but seemed like it wouldn't take my whole check.  I THINK.  

LONG STORY short.  I think the total that I arrived at may have just been the amount for me.  The rest has to be "approved".  There was just basic medical with crazy co-pays, dental which isn't much, enough life insurance to bury each of us (maybe) if one of us should die, and vision.  Tony won't have medical (why two working parents can't just pick the most affordable employer to get the family's insurance from one is beyond me).

Moral to the story, for half a second I actually thought we might be able to afford insurance and still have a little of my paycheck left (realistically what they take out for medicare should cover it).

Then, like I said, I realized it was probably not including the price for my kids.  WHY CAN'T SOMEONE RUN A COUNTRY where a (barely) two parent working family could afford the basics and not go broke? Why can't I be home enough with my kids to take them to the doctor, dentist, camp at church and be able to afford those things as well?

Maybe it is just me.  Maybe I am just a moron and can't make it all stretch?  I have always tried so hard to "make it work" and have just enough to cover things that I need and few wants.  To do the right things for the right reasons and with a little confidence and have it work out fine?  I liked life better I suppose when I believed "I would never do anything right, that I would never amount to anything and that everything I had was all I deserved and I was lucky I had that much".  What the hell?  Who am I to have ever fought those things? To try harder and prove "them" wrong.   and off I go again on another tangent in another direction.

 I just had a moment and am doing what I would rather do hanging out with you all somewhere having a drink and talking shop.  Almost had a beautiful moment of "making it work".  Too bad I looked back at the computer one more time and saw a "balance" column and then a "for yourself" total.  When I had clearly had at least 3 other people on each thing I picked.  

I will surely come back and share if I finally found my miracle.  This was just softening the usual blow.  Since I found out I couldn't get in the system (as it turns out it is the same set up I had last year at my other job that took my last whole last paycheck for benefits I never was able to use as I was being laid off).  At least I tried.  

I do shine under the gun as opposed to having a month to question my own judgement and ask so many questions that people want to strangle me (as I do pay attention, can be rather logical and have the common sense of at least an average adult who has been around the block and always seems to ask the wrong questions around people who don't want to be called out on their shit).  

Now I remember why I started trying to just blog.  Too shy to share it (idk why) and never mean to say more than a few words.  Off to get more smokes so I can try to get the most out of my insurance i suppose in one payment.  That would make life fair.  I would kick the very night they posted the transaction to pay my bill and 2 minutes later i fall into a crematorium.

Night all.  Eight straight hours of back to back, literally a beep in between calls, listening to people's problems, questions and details of their lives wears a person out.  No matter how much I love helping people, and the blessing of that one sweet soul who is glad to hear my voice and is grateful I was nice.  Occasionally it is a male, and hell I almost forgot-- today I was able to make some 29 year old male laugh and straightened out his account too.  Glad he couldn't see me, but sure he knew I was old enough to be his mom and I was still funny.

OMG I miss being around fun, funny people, who hug and laugh and loved me no matter what.   Or put up with me, whichever.

Mothers Day Miracle

Well this was a first for sure.  Mother’s Day without tears.  Well due to my own children or husband that is.  I was Impressed for sure.  I think I was only inspired to yelling once at the end of the day after they had a handful of pure sugar (candy).  They made handmade gifts and made great art and wrote cute things.  Tonni left hers at school.  We have a bit of a love loss there.  Not sure how to cure that.

I thought I had nailed this blog thing down for a second in the shower yesterday but it flew out in a catchy title and right back out.  Too much going on to explain to any one person.  I think I would be committed or commit myself if anyone knew my whole story all at once.  I’m pretty sure I’m not quite aware of it all.   Just as I was preparing to make sense of my life the lives of most of the extended family got very complicated. 

The thing that made it all worth it was the conversation with my oldest daughter today.  The one that lives with the paternal grandparents.  It was short and sweet and full of things I have wanted to say for years.  The collateral damage with this mess is going to be a niece and her four kids I think.  It does suck but for once it is not my cross to bear and my concern lies with my child first and will filter down from there.  That was quite a cryptic description, but more to come, probably just as cryptic.  (Yes I am a comedian part time).

More soon when I figure it out or when I have 5 minutes alone at my desk. One day I may just patent the software that reads your mind and puts it to "paper".  Then I would have a book and a 1/2 a day.  

Epiphany? Prophecy? Is it Just for Me or Society? Is it the Future I see? What's Your Plan for Me?

That is what I get for taking a shower.

It seems through the years that is the only place God or whatever powers that be can get me alone and I can also "do inventory" of what is in my head.  I'm sure I miss a lot with every shower I miss being too busy, too late, too tired to get in there.

Meghan Trainor - Dear Future Husband | Mix 97.7

Meghan Trainor - Dear Future Husband | Mix 97.7

Just to break up the monotony a little.  More to come.  When I accidentally delete the full page of well put, 20 years in the making, unable to be reproduced posts: music is the only other way to express myself.

My Life is a Series of Cut and Pastes That Were Accidentally Overwritten or Forgotten--Synonymous with My Life it Seems.....Ironic

Funny how today would have normally had me so depressed I wouldn't be functioning.  However, I have come to the realization that any "good" days in my are usually noticed in hindsight as I have no money or resources to plan my good days (ie: vacation, honeymoon, celebration) and no one close to me ever feels inspired to surprise me in any way with or for anything.  No flowers or small gifts or just "something that made them think of me".  They also do not appreciate such things and never "feel the love" when I do those things for them.  

I had an entire full page of epiphany regarding my life and it finally almost made sense.  Then I cut it from Facebook and attempted to move it here, copied and pasted something else thinking I had copied the post and now it is gone.  I don't have the time or the energy to conjure that up again.

Prior to today I don't think I was aware this had been published or even existed. Now I know. 

http://www.highlandnews.net/news/article_04f10f20-bc58-54c6-9119-cbcf5a3e54be.html

"We the People, By the People and for the People" was Written on Parchment with Ink Signed in a Public Meeting Face to Face.

• When is the last time you 1.  Used terminology that referred to yourself as being part of "we" or Americans as just "people"?  Wrote anything important with an actual pen in your hand?  Attended a public meeting in person with regard to any subject?  More so a meeting that was so important your very freedom and way of life hinged on it?  I do not condone hypocrisy and try to avoid  it with every action or interaction.  So I of course am posing these questions to myself as well as others.  Sort of a quest for knowledge, cry for help and concerned that a government I had never once thought I could run more effectively than it already is, is now inspiring me to political posts.  I would never have even attempted to post about how it runs or how ineffectively it is working.  Did not possess the education to post an intelligent well thought out position on matters.  
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• That being said.  This is this among the 2-3 posts that I have recently found myself unable to stop from posting.  That scares me.  I am no more educated or intelligent.  I have done no more investigating or educating myself on the matter.  I have merely watched and listened to others around me.  I have watched the news and read articles.  I am now sure there is something to worry about.  Our freedom?  Our heath?  Our education?   Our lifestyle?  has it always been such a concern that it took me forever to filter enough opinion to finally be afraid?  Or is it truly a new fear?  A valid opinion of someone who may not be "book smart" or even educated but rather someone who has perfected a gift of filtering information and a knack for weighing the facts and opinions and can (despite being the most emotional, run by her heart, female or human you might know) form a fair and relevant result or outcome for that subject? 
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• When I am finally inspired to respond or form an opinion on all things American and/or Governmental I get an odd powerful feeling and have to share them.  I am still slightly convinced I will prove to have been somewhat prophetic during my unusually stressful lame existence.  Not that I enjoy bad things happening, nor do I enjoy telling anyone "I told you so".  I actually hope that something I say(channeled thru me from parts unknown or my sub-conscience possibly (still waiting for confirmation) will inspire someone to do something to avert the warning of eminent danger
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    Tami Tillman I posted the day they arrested the Vet for interceding in the protest and taking the flag. Something has to inspire "us" to do something about our current situation and my FB rant isn't going to do it but at least I tried. Someone with more information and resources than I have and of course education taking a trip back prior to becoming lazy slaves to technology and remember how Americans used to handle such "bullshit" and inspire the rest to "take back our country, borders, schools, rights, etc." before "someone" flies over, takes out our cell towers and turns us into some country we have allowed people to run here from for decades or worse because we had more than they did and didn't appreciate it, defend it or use it for progress and good. All that and only 3 years of college---imagine what someone intelligent and resourceful might come up with????

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