The funniest part, which landed this here instead of facebook, is 4 paragraphs down.......Imagine if I had something to say....

OK, so at work, finally signed up for (cross your fingers, knock on wood, say two hail Mary's and yo-Jesus if you ever want her to shut up-----) health care, dental, vision.  

I had 15 minutes before my shift was over and finally had access to what everyone else had 15 days to do.  A lovely coach let me stay logged in to go over it (has to be signed up by 5/28 and I have to be logged in to access it on the virtual desktop).  

Anyway, what has made me nervous since Obama hit office, didn't seem too bad.  Not perfect by any means but seemed like it wouldn't take my whole check.  I THINK.  

LONG STORY short.  I think the total that I arrived at may have just been the amount for me.  The rest has to be "approved".  There was just basic medical with crazy co-pays, dental which isn't much, enough life insurance to bury each of us (maybe) if one of us should die, and vision.  Tony won't have medical (why two working parents can't just pick the most affordable employer to get the family's insurance from one is beyond me).

Moral to the story, for half a second I actually thought we might be able to afford insurance and still have a little of my paycheck left (realistically what they take out for medicare should cover it).

Then, like I said, I realized it was probably not including the price for my kids.  WHY CAN'T SOMEONE RUN A COUNTRY where a (barely) two parent working family could afford the basics and not go broke? Why can't I be home enough with my kids to take them to the doctor, dentist, camp at church and be able to afford those things as well?

Maybe it is just me.  Maybe I am just a moron and can't make it all stretch?  I have always tried so hard to "make it work" and have just enough to cover things that I need and few wants.  To do the right things for the right reasons and with a little confidence and have it work out fine?  I liked life better I suppose when I believed "I would never do anything right, that I would never amount to anything and that everything I had was all I deserved and I was lucky I had that much".  What the hell?  Who am I to have ever fought those things? To try harder and prove "them" wrong.   and off I go again on another tangent in another direction.

 I just had a moment and am doing what I would rather do hanging out with you all somewhere having a drink and talking shop.  Almost had a beautiful moment of "making it work".  Too bad I looked back at the computer one more time and saw a "balance" column and then a "for yourself" total.  When I had clearly had at least 3 other people on each thing I picked.  

I will surely come back and share if I finally found my miracle.  This was just softening the usual blow.  Since I found out I couldn't get in the system (as it turns out it is the same set up I had last year at my other job that took my last whole last paycheck for benefits I never was able to use as I was being laid off).  At least I tried.  

I do shine under the gun as opposed to having a month to question my own judgement and ask so many questions that people want to strangle me (as I do pay attention, can be rather logical and have the common sense of at least an average adult who has been around the block and always seems to ask the wrong questions around people who don't want to be called out on their shit).  

Now I remember why I started trying to just blog.  Too shy to share it (idk why) and never mean to say more than a few words.  Off to get more smokes so I can try to get the most out of my insurance i suppose in one payment.  That would make life fair.  I would kick the very night they posted the transaction to pay my bill and 2 minutes later i fall into a crematorium.

Night all.  Eight straight hours of back to back, literally a beep in between calls, listening to people's problems, questions and details of their lives wears a person out.  No matter how much I love helping people, and the blessing of that one sweet soul who is glad to hear my voice and is grateful I was nice.  Occasionally it is a male, and hell I almost forgot-- today I was able to make some 29 year old male laugh and straightened out his account too.  Glad he couldn't see me, but sure he knew I was old enough to be his mom and I was still funny.

OMG I miss being around fun, funny people, who hug and laugh and loved me no matter what.   Or put up with me, whichever.