This Is How My Morning Began. A Little View Into 2 Lives---One is Mine, the Other I hope will Be Fine.

I logged into Web-sleuths to check on my dad's murder case blog there.  Couldn't help but notice the request for help from someone going to a parole board hearing for a child molester.  I wrote this letter.  Of course didn't proof read it.  I am still unable to focus or stop obsessing when I write if I try to go back and read it.  

They have all but given up on my case there it seems.  I need to have my record cleared so people will treat me like an equal.  Sad how it looks worse than any record my step monster will have.

Seems I made the deadline.  Now I guess I can hope he is never released or I probably put my own family in danger.  I wouldn't have let him make it to trial if I could help it.

Dear Ms. Tillman:

Your e-mail regarding Mr. Brunstetter will be placed in his file for consideration at his upcoming parole hearing.  The Parole Commission appreciates the interest you have taken in this case.

Sincerely;

Ruth Ann Ogle, Program Manager (Hearings)

From: Blumberg, David
Sent: Wednesday, July 29, 2015 7:48 AM
To: Ogle, Ruth
Subject: Fwd: No Parole for Pedophiles. Why Would Anyone Allow a Victim to be Victimized Again-Donald Scott Brunstetter Parole Hearing.

Sent from my iPhone

Begin forwarded message:

From: Tami Tillman <tamijt4@msn.com>
Date: July 29, 2015 at 5:53:44 AM EDT
To: <dblumberg@dpscs.state.md.us>
Subject: No Parole for Pedophiles.  Why Would Anyone Allow a Victim to be Victimized Again-Donald Scott Brunstetter Parole Hearing.

PLEASE MAKE ANYONE EVER CONVICTED OF SEXUAL CRIMES AGAINST CHILDREN AND EXAMPLE FOR THE OTHERS.  MAKE A STATEMENT THAT IT IS NOT OK, THEY WON'T GET AWAY WITH IT, AND THEY WON'T BE GIVEN A CHANCE TO DO IT AGAIN.

I do not know the people involved with this case personally, but truly I do, I am a survivor.  Obviously with the number of charges this monster was sentenced for, he is guilty, the ones charged with originally most likely barely come close to what he is actually guilty of.

I could go on for hours.  I am unsure why the judge was lenient on this inhuman monster.  I can only imagine the frightening thought that he empathized with him.   People serve longer sentences for DUI without a victim, or armed robbery without a victim because they could have hurt someone.  Child molesters don't even carry a weapon.  Their crime is premeditated.  It is reoccurring and they have convinced themselves it is not a crime.  They can not be reformed.

There is no price to put on innocence.  There is no restitution to give a child who lived without trust, lived being berated, humiliated, made to believe they somehow deserved to be violated in ways not even most adults would chose to be in a consensual relationship.  Why would anyone even consider letting someone. capable of the subhuman acts of even 1 of these charges on any child 1 time, roam the earth with other children or humans?  They should not have rights any longer. 

If you release him you sentence the victim to a whole new round of torture.  Fearing he may be around any corner.  And by letting him out you are telling her that what happened to her was not that bad.  Not that important.  That he was right, no one would protect her, no one would care and they would shun her if anyone knew.  If you have never been abused, assaulted, raped, sexually molested, groped, or even verbally molested by someone you are lucky.  I refrain from repeating the things that are whispered in a child's ear to keep them from screaming, crying, telling someone because I wouldn't want anyone else to experience that hell.  If they are kept away somewhere where no one can hear them scream it is worse. 

Please refuse to let him be paroled.  I don’t care about his "good behavior".  There are no under aged females in "cell block H".  Of course he would be on his best behavior.  He wants to get back out where the girls are.  I have 4 daughters.  Set a standard today.  Refuse to be a party to ruining the life of another child.  The only way to even come close to him paying for what he did to her would be to leave him naked, alone, with no resources and sewing his mouth shut. 

I have managed to make it through 39 years since my hell started.  20 years since I turned mine in and watched him lawyer up and threaten to sue me for defamation of character.  Victims luckily won't know all that they have lost as they are usually tough, trying to care for others and if they live long enough they will realize they missed out on having a first love, first kiss, the choice to make love the first time.  They have the first nightmare, the next flashback, the PTSD kicks in during some encounter with a new boyfriend or husband.  The horrible memories they manage to stuff down come bubbling up when they hear a child scream or hear of someone being raped or assaulted.  Luckily I can't describe what happens to victims of molestation and rape that don't have a coping mechanism, that become predators themselves, but the person who victimized them certainly should not get 1 for 2 or 2 for 1 for good behavior.  They should get and additional year for every person that they affected when the stole the innocence of a child.  They should not be given a chance to "speak their peace" or plead their case. 

By letting this monster free you are screaming horrible inhumane things in the ears of every child, teen, adult, grandparent by your actions.  You are also subjecting the rest of the human race to being a possible victim.  Child molesters should not have another chance.  Almost any other crime could be considered for rehabilitation or have some basis that could be considered for forgiveness and may be able to refrain from reoffending.  Child molesters  don't deserve that consideration.  They not only stole the soul and innocence of a child, their trust, their love of others, and it wasn't an accident.  It was repetitive and calculated and not only did they think they wouldn't be caught, they blamed the victim, isolated them, put fear in them and didn't care.  They are worse than murders, at least if a victim dies they are out of their misery, this victim is still alive don't be party to raping her all over again certainly don't sentence the rest of the human race to being a future victim. 

Please deny this parole.  He is a threat to the victim even if he never comes within 200 feet of her or another child.  I can't imagine even sitting and listening to his plea for parole.  Any human would be physically ill.  Any judge should be offended.  No matter what he says he is lying.  He didn't think he should be arrested in the first place.  He is angry and will be seeking revenge.  How scary is a human that thinks they have a right to do these things to any human and they are the victim for sitting in jail.  If not revenge he will be seeking somewhere to unleash that sickness that can never be cured.  If he actually felt guilty for what he did he would take his own life.  That would be the only way to clear your mind of such hideous crimes. 

I write this with verbiage that implies I know this man  or the victim, because I truly do.  I have been through counseling, I have been blessed with friends who work in the psychology, counseling, court, sex offender case load of probation, and have been there for other victims.  I do know them.  I know no human should have to watch someone convicted of any sexual act against any unconsenting human or animal should not be free to live amongst us.  If the victim was a child--even more so.  If they were an authority figure or worse parent or family member it should not even be suggested.  They should live in a hole with some constant reminder that it is not ok, you can't give back what you took therefore you sit there where you can't even consider doing it to someone else.

NO RELEASE FOR PEDOPHILES OR PREDATORS.  THEY CAN'T BE REFORMED.  THEY HAVE MASTERED MANIPULATION AND LYING DON'T FALL FOR IT.  THEY WILL DO ANYTHING AND SAY ANYTHING AND HAVE NO REGARD FOR LIFE.  THEY HAVE TAKEN A SMALL BASICALLY HELPLESS CHILD AND REDUCED THEM TO LESS THAN HUMAN.  IMAGINE BEING CAPABLE OF TELLING A SMALL CHILD THAT IF THEY TELL ANYONE THEY WON'T BELIEVE THEM.  THEY WON'T HELP THEM, THEY WILL HATE THEM, AND SEND THEM AWAY AND THEN PERFORMING ACTS ON THEM THAT CONSENTING ADULTS WOULDN'T ALLOW OR ANY SEXUAL ACT AT ALL ON A PERSON WHO CAN'T EVEN GET THEIR OWN LUNCH YET.

AND NOW I HAVE GONE ON.  THERE ARE NO WORDS IN SHORT FORM TO EXPRESS HOW WRONG IT IS TO ALLOW THIS TO EVEN BE CONSIDERED FOR HEARING.  I DON'T JUST SEND THESE OUT TO ANYONE.  I HAVE NEVER EVEN THOUGHT OF DOING SO.  I CAME ACROSS THEY PLEA WHILE LOOKING INTO MY BIO-DAD'S MURDER..  I COULD FORGIVE HIS MURDERER BEFORE I WOULD EVER CONSIDER EVEN GIVING THIS BOTTOM FEEDER A CHANCE AT FREEDOM.

TAMI TILLMAN

PHOENIX, AZ

MOTHER OF 4 DAUGHTERS

SURVIVOR OF MOLESTATION

RECOVERING ADDICT

Thank you. Diverted for Length and Focus, From Facebook of Course.

Thank you all for being here with me.  For listening, giving advice, prayers, caring, whatever you are able to do aside from writing me off, deleting me, or just walking away.  I don't mean to freak out, yell, whine, cry, I truly shoot for drama free days.  Always have.  I just want normal.  I just am normal.  I have always done the best I could and have never just sat back and taken a free ride ever.  Really long story short.  I think at this point I could just make it all work, figure it out, fight for whatever but I am missing 1 part of my whole life.  I have been in a state of shock since I turned in my step dad to Mesa PD, lost my job at Adult Probation due to it and my prozac technically.  It was all a bigger nightmare day by day until Aug. 5th, 2004.  I have been just going thru the motions each day but I am still stuck back there and everything else that goes wrong since just hits me 10 times harder than it normally should.  I never thought I'd still not have my child 9 years later and may not live to see her come back to me.  I have done everything legally possible to do and morally try to be a decent human.  I just don't want to die from the stress of assholes stealing from me and leave my kids without a mom.

At Most I am Teaching Myself Internet 202. At Least I am Saving Money on a Psychiatrist. Always Hoping I Might Save the World..

My husband has been many things in our time together.  I have found you grow more and are less sad if you find the good in any situation  and choose to see it as a lesson learned or a hurdle you won't hopefully have to over take again.

For Now It is Merely A Facebook Post Diverted to Protect the Innocent and Describe My Collection Agency Hell.....

"So we get this letter from the collection agency douches.  The only hope I have this time is that over confidence and laziness will finally be their downfall.  To seek out the woman that we owe money due to them suing us twice and getting 3 times the amount for the Glendale slumlord is just "rot in hell worthy" in the first place.  To think that we will just pay them with some letter that doesn't connect the payment to the court case, states that the "client" is "many" and to put the amount they want to collect with the same account number on the paper twice and think we will just pay it out of fear or my previous fragile state I was left in, is just stupid.  I won't for a minute say that we don't have a debt to her, but she was willing to forgive it and I don't think she is aware yet who she has managed to line up with.  but will soon.  I was anticipating having to request a change of venue but I am not the same person they started harassing years ago.  My new reality no longer involves following 'the rules" nor will I be "mentally beaten" into doing a damn thing by someone who thinks that is the card they can pull from passed experience  I fully intend to write the judge (douche) and let him know that I thank him for using his position to assist them in stealing from us and let him know that he may now meet the woman that he assisted in causing a debt to by ruling in favor of someone so clearly using the court to defraud people.  Then the conflict of interest is there long before the court case is filed and "whoops-what a moron I am for making it "unfair" to be heard in his court"--I'm no lawyer what do I know????  Now to write an emotion free "not a valid debt" letter to them in response to theirs, not that that would stop them really, they just filed docs and say people were served and manage to get garnishments.  The first court years ago in Phoenix literally told Tony there was no active case pending when I sent him with appeal papers only to have his whole check taken the following week.  I have to wonder some times if people don't get tired of falling for shit like this by assuming things?  I am the queen of "there has never been a case like this" or "you don't fit that stereotype" and shame on you if you are dumb enough to be willing to sell your soul for $10 at any job for nothing more in return and your decisions ruin lives.  Think outside the box people.  Humans turn most things to shit you don't think there are as many slumlords as there are good landlords?  You don't think they ride there coat tails and profit?  well here you go.  right in your face.  I wish that bitch would have to show up in court and certainly wish the judge would have to apologize to this landlord for what he took part in.  Too many people can't or won't stick up for themselves and it sucks because it never gets any easier for the next guy and most just never rise about the poverty it causes.  I am blessed to have a conscious I suppose.  Am glad to have reached a point in life where it is clear and I work very hard to keep it that way and treat others fairly.  I would gladly send her the entire amount owed to her if I had it as I promised.  We have finally made it to now where we pay the most rent ever for the longest period of time.  That was what she hoped for us and the last landlord as well.  Figures these bottom feeders come out of the woodwork.  I figure that means the damn van we didn't owe anything on must be nearing it's final payment with them so.....they haven't sent one statement showing how much we have paid as directed by the court and no one will hold them to it.  In itself that makes them below the law, but somehow the court feels it is ok to treat us that way.  American government has lost all of my faith and sadly I have to almost be proud of me kids when they aspire to lie to me and get away with it.  I honestly didn't lie and don't know.  Can't do it.  But I know they will need to at least know how because my hope of saving the world has failed miserably and reality is knocking at my door again.  Bastards.  Cross your fingers for me that we don't lose this one too.  Beauty is they will soon run out of old debts to try and collect and there is no one yet who has been able to just make up a debt we owe out of the blue and collect on it and we have no credit.  If we can both keep our jobs we may just be able to exist check to check and have what we can afford.  That beats some alternatives I suppose."

The Facebook Rant That Put The Blog "on the map". Unsure what map, but here goes.......Or So I thought....

So I started to post about a collection agency that has terrorized us for years.  As my few words turned to one run on full page of writing, I was inspired to finally just blog where one blogs and attempt to keep my Facebook status to one or two sentences.   (Husband just approached my desk and asked "what book are you writing now" lol.  He is just so grateful for the Internet and not to have to be the only one to listen as I empty out my very busy head and very broken heart and soul.)  

Now that I am here, I find myself being unable still, to leave the link to this blog on my Facebook.  That is a moment in this crazy head.  To date the blog has been "private" to the best of my knowledge.  I have two intelligent male friends (one new that I met playing farmville, he wrote a blog for it, and the other a lifetime friend--the brother of my very best friend since 2nd grade and one time love of my life) who blog here too.  I am afraid to ask if they can "see" the blog and that is the extent of my ability to "go live with it".  (Insert moment of realization, irony and smile at consistency in my otherwise inconsistent persona.  One writes for a living, sort of speak, and is very eloquent in his writing and always has something "smart" to say and says it with seemingly such ease.  The other occasionally writes in regard to his work (stopping to check on terminology for his job)  "Internet marketing professional with organic search engine optimization experience since 2000."  Is how it is listed on his blog.  Neither would find my blog even mildly engaging I am sure.  Point here being, on Facebook my rants are just that.  300 close friends who have known me since grade school or are of kindred souls that I have had the blessing of befriending along the way.  They "get" me and/or get what I am going through and can offer advice or get that I just need someone to vent to so the cobwebs can clear and I can make some progress.  Writing a blog originally started  for so many reasons.  Some think I could write somehow for a living.  Some have mentioned that "I had something to say that they needed to hear".  I wanted to get back to being "just irresponsible enough to still be fun" and find a way to turn life's little nightmares into something funny.  A skill learned by being around my BFF and her family for most of years between age 8 and 28.

As I write, I become aware of so many things that one action leads to, which trails off to a thousand other thoughts and ideas.  These will all be wrapped up in an emotional outpouring as I wrap up. Some epiphany resulting in part of my past leaving my heart  and mind, benefiting me only with some realization of what I went through and what might have been learned, closed with a brief moment of peace.  Then my kids will wake up, I will log into work and a new day of battles and mistakes will surely begin and most of it is forgotten.  Not lost I suppose, but these moments used to inspire a  great day, blessed attitude and semi productive day.  Will have to work on what happened to that. 

I just realized that, while I may never be famous or save the world, I think I must be the one who will create some sort of "hashtag" or mark to define the amount of time spent trying to put thoughts into words or feelings into words other intelligent human beings could relate to.  (which once again, left me laughing at myself (which is important), realizing proper  English and utilization of correct sentence structure would clear up many things.  It has always escaped me, I suppose, as it the ability was buried under so much emotion that I wasn't able to use the skill. 

An hour and a half, 3 draft posts, 53 fleeting thoughts and 100 emotions (yes, I had to stop and make sure the the thoughts to emotions ratio made logical and mathematical sense, but forced myself to throw caution to the wind and just randomly place a number) later, I must force myself to regroup and get ready for work.  I have no post on Facebook.  A confusing tangent here.  The feeling of "half assing" things is a little less prevalent today than usual when leaving such chaos.  I surely jumped the gun on going "on the map" today.  Guess I have inadvertently experienced creating the "bait and switch" tactic Hoping if this is ever read by anyone, they will have found something they needed anyway, or at least can appreciate one woman's struggle  to make a difference.  At least to feel comfortable in her own mind and skin and make life  livable.  

Looking at the "book" below, beginning to get irritated that when I write on FB if I have more than one paragraph (or subject) I am unable to properly format as the return button will post instead of starting a new paragraph.  That alone will inspire 25 more thoughts and ideas.  Lord how the hell do I go from "Tami's Tangent" to something worthy of "publishing", grammatically correct, easily understood by many and with a direction?  Went looking for the spelling of grammatically as it looks odd with 2 m's and found a blog from a guy who seems to get me.  Fear of attracting a thousand strangers to my page, in it's currently unusable form, left me thinking a link to it would do just that and now wondering if plagiarism is ever even  a thought and hoping that copying it is "legal".  

This guy gets me.  Especially the last P.S. I was almost inclined to see if we were the same age or if we just had similar parents.  Fortunately for both of us probably, there was no easy way to leave a comment.  The 400 grammar Nazi's that commented left me with tail between my legs anyway.

Five Grammatical Errors That Make You Look Dumb
by  BRIAN CLARK2.1kPinOne thing blogging and good copywriting share is a conversational style, and that means it’s fine to fracture the occasional rule of proper grammar in order to communicate effectively. Both bloggers and copywriters routinely end sentences with prepositions, dangle a modifier in a purely technical sense, or make liberal use of the ellipsis when an EM dash is the correct choice—all in order to write in the way people actually speak.
But there are other mistakes that can detract from your credibility. While we all hope what we have to say is more important than some silly grammatical error, the truth is some people will not subscribe or link to your blog if you make dumb mistakes when you write, and buying from you will be out of the question.
Here are five mistakes to avoid when blogging and writing web copy.
1. Your vs. You’re
This one drives me insane, and it’s become extremely common among bloggers. All it takes to avoid this error is to take a second and think about what you’re trying to say.
“Your” is a possessive pronoun, as in “your car” or “your blog.” “You’re” is a contraction for “you are,” as in “you’re screwing up your writing by using your when you really meanyou are.”
2. It’s vs. Its
This is another common mistake. It’s also easily avoided by thinking through what you’re trying to say.
“It’s” is a contraction of “it is” or “it has.” “Its” is a possessive pronoun, as in “this blog has lost its mojo.” Here’s an easy rule of thumb—repeat your sentence out loud using “it is” instead. If that sounds goofy, “its” is likely the correct choice.
3. There vs. Their
This one seems to trip up everyone occasionally, often as a pure typo. Make sure to watch for it when you proofread.
“There” is used many ways, including as a reference to a place (“let’s go there”) or as a pronoun (“there is no hope”). “Their” is a plural possessive pronoun, as in “their bags” or “their opinions.” Always do the “that’s ours!” test—are you talking about more than one person and something that they possess? If so, “their” will get you there.
4. Affect vs. Effect
To this day I have to pause and mentally sort this one out in order to get it right. As with any of the other common mistakes people make when writing, it’s taking that moment to get it right that makes the difference.
“Affect” is a verb, as in “Your ability to communicate clearly will affect your income immensely.” “Effect” is a noun, as in “The effect of a parent’s low income on a child’s future is well documented.” By thinking in terms of “the effect,” you can usually sort out which is which, because you can’t stick a “the” in front of a verb. While some people do use “effect” as a verb (“a strategy to effect a settlement”), they are usually lawyers, and you should therefore ignore them if you want to write like a human.
5. The Dangling Participle
The dangling participle may be the most egregious of the most common writing mistakes. Not only will this error damage the flow of your writing, it can also make it impossible for someone to understand what you’re trying to say.
Check out these two examples from Tom Sant’s book Persuasive Business Proposals:
After rotting in the cellar for weeks, my brother brought up some oranges.Uhh… keep your decomposing brother away from me!
Featuring plug-in circuit boards, we can strongly endorse this server’s flexibility and growth potential.Hmmm… robotic copy written by people embedded with circuit boards. Makes sense.
The problem with both of the above is that the participial phrase that begins the sentence is not intended to modify what follows next in the sentence. However, readers mentally expect it to work that way, so your opening phrase should always modify what immediately follows. If it doesn’t, you’ve left the participle dangling, as well as your readers.
P.S. You may find it amusing to know that I, like David Ogilvy, have never learned the formal rules of grammar. I learned to write by reading obsessively at an early age, but when it came time to learn the “rules,” I tuned out. If you show me an incorrect sentence, I can fix it, but if I need to know the technical reason why it was wrong in the first place, I go ask my wife.

I am wondering if anyone has started to notice that I don't proofread, and why?

How To Install Android Ice Cream Sandwich (4.0.4) on HP TouchPad

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Purchased an HP Tablet with Webos.  Silly girl.  Who knew HP just tanked the whole thing, all of it's links to downloads and everything else.  Found this to switch it to Android.  We'll see if it works I suppose.

And Finally, That Band-aid is Ripped Off, Planning it Wouldn't Have Worked.

Well today started off normal enough. Aside from my exploding leg and the usual kids fights.  Then I said something that set Tawni off (my oldest who lives with paternal grandparents, not by choice, and 9 years too long).  The rest remains on Facebook as a note.  Most know part of the story but no one person knows all the gory details except me. Find it makes explaining things in a crisis a little easier if people know what is really going on. 

(Posted in notes so you can avoid my worst life story if you choose) I wondered if this day would ever come...

July 4, 2015 at 2:36pm
wow that was, interesting.....Tori kept on nagging about going to fireworks WAY out of town with their cousins (Tammy) mother and her mothers sisters. It is also a birthday for Tammy's youngest child.

Tony's parents have charge of her and 3 more of Tammy's small kids right now.  Her mother is the one one who instigated the only physical fight Tony's mom and I ever had before any of them were born.  Tammy was the one who babysat my Tawni for his parents (even though we were physically close and supposed to be being asked to have her as much as possible) as she lived with them too.  Tammy ended up pregnant at 15 (no one ever determined that to be a problem at the time despite Tony constantly checking in on them and raising the question) from an man older than her that barely spoke English.

I was afraid "the top would blow off" tonight if we went to this thing.   I didn't want to be out in the middle of nowhere and the cause of a family feud.

Well Tori kept nagging, my leg is finally-well beyond description right now, and I said something to the effect of "grandpa said we should probably just not worry about going, my stupid leg hurts and I can't sit in a stupid car for a hour" Tawni freaked out.  She thought I called Tori stupid, ran out the door, screaming how she hates when I do that to them.  I told Tony to handle it.  Waited a few minutes, told her I was sorry and that I called the car stupid. She said "no you didn't".  I yelled "if your grandma hadn't brain washed you into thinking I was such a horrible person you wouldn't hear things or get so upset.  I went and thought a few more minutes and End result, ran out the door and spilled 9 years of held in emotions and thoughts.  I told her "I'm sorry if I called her a name or didn't, I'm sorry I get so upset and freak everyone out.  I can't go to this tonight because I will tell everyone that none of us would be here if your dad (Tony, my husband) had done what he was supposed to, if your grandma hadn't lied, if your grandparents would have watched you and Tammy (the cousin) none of us would be here right now.  And every day since if she hadn't brain washed you into believing I was so horrible, CPS hadn't made up lies(like saying I hit her during a visit)(yes they lie a lot) and I want you to know from the minute you were out of my hands I did every fucking thing anyone told me to do and how to do it to get you back.  You never should have been kept from me, Tammy should have never been left to take care of you, and I love you kids more than life."

I will not deny I had a part in the entire mess, most definitely, however I also did more to jump through hoops and prove I could be a good mother to her than anyone could even believe at the time.  I guess her and her dad shared a conversation as well.  I have held it all in because each time we went to court to get her back and proved we could she would end up needing the psychiatrist suddenly and having issues.  Power of suggestion is an amazing thing.  I hate liars for a really good reason and I guess Tawni said "grandma didn't brain wash me" and he said "yes she did, you just wouldn't remember, you were brainwashed".  Writing this I just realized that I better still be alive when the time comes that she has to heal from that.  The flashbacks are not easy to handle.  Mine of course are of a whole other more horrible kind.  Either way they aren't fun and I am sorry I ever allowed her to be subjected to any of it.

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY.  She held me and forgave me and is off to fireworks.

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