"If You Were Crazy, You Wouldn't Know It, Stupid" and other words of wisdom to live by.

This is the letter I just wrote to the detective now assigned to my dad and his wife's murder cold case.  I sometimes think of just having myself commited.  I wish there were someone out there or some way of figuring out what I know (when people die) and what I am supposed to do or what I am capable of doing with this "gift" (curse up til now).  It is maddening sometimes.  Try to understand, again, that I never proofread; never have or else I probably would never finish anything I wrote or would never send it.  Most of the time I don't ever send what I write out of fear of sounding nuts, realizing that I am nuts, or basically someone just using to prove I am nuts even though I am not.  Sad when your hum drum life has actually come to a point at any time where that I had to worry about someone lying about me and fearing being commited or jailed.  what the hell......

Just checking in.  Time ends up going by so quickly.  I would just like to ask that no more opportunities for outside help go wasted.  You all have done what you can.  Many men have gone on to bigger things and have been promoted, which is great, but I still need to know who did this and see justice served.  My father was no saint.  However whomever did this needs to be brought down, as last I knew no one on this earth  has a right to take another life.   Over money is also just sad.

My first real contact regarding this case was actually with one of the psychics who was on that challenge.  That in itself leaves me skeptical that I will ever receive straight answers from anyone.  I have grown tired of being polite and trying not to ruffle feathers.  I had a mild heart attack a couple of months ago, and more recently almost lost one of my legs, it is time to move on this if a suspect is even still living.

Please consider the outside resources, there are psychic shows, detective shows, but they need to be approached by your department.  I also have a lady from the websleuth's site who has taken an interest in this case and has been just working on looking at the connections between my dads group of friends and Joni and friends and family.  It might behoove someone to look at her "work". 

I know at least some time was wasted looking at me a suspect.  which is laughable considering my sister had used my identity and I lost everything and could barely find shelter much less hire a hitman.  However I will say, which I have not bothered before, that I was frantically calling my dad, probably while he was being murdered.  I have, in hindsight, and over the years realized when someone I love is suffering or dying I have the displeasure of physically feeling them leaving this earth and go thru some strange  physical, mental, verbal (lacking the ability to describe still) series of events that (at the time it Is happening) seem crazy.  Luckily my husband has been present during these episodes since long before we knew what they were.

Anyway, I have never tried to improve on these "skills" mostly out of fear that if I was able to know more about events surrounding these deaths, I would not be taken seriously or I would be considered suspect.  You probably think this is all nuts, but I imagine if I am writing it, it may become relevant.  I don't spend a lot of time talking if it isn't important.  Early learned skill when talking to men and "important"  people or people who's attention you want to keep.

Please, I beg you to consider other options, not to let another option go wasted (psychic who was going to look at the case  at no charge and spotlight in a  movie, and only needed to be in the presence of something that was at the scene when they died----IE: you still have the vehicle right?)

My motivation here is find who did this.  To find any and all "things" that were  my fathers that he worked for, earned, I don't care at this point if he stole them since he did pay with his life.  I don't care if all that is left is his drivers license, I want it returned to me and my family.  I spent my whole life trying to be enough to be in his life and that was taken from me and my children.  Joni has no legacy left and her belongings if only a drivers license don't belong in a cardboard box on a shelf.  Period.

I will end now as I don't even know where all of this is coming from--in the last 10 years I have lost more loved one's than I care to think of. So this is emotionally draining and I risk sounding like a head case.  Which I have fought for years.  The stress of this and so many other things has all but had me close to being committed before.  I just want it closed.  I would love to look someone in the eyes  and be sure that they know they had no right to take a life or two or hell 3 considering the damn dog never did anything to anyone.

BTW--the psychic said Joni was receiving phone calls "at night and no matter how much she medicated herself the calls were so disturbing she couldn't sleep".  Doesn't anyone know who those calls came from?  Or even what she was talking about?  Wouldn't that be enough to bring someone in for questioning?  Has anyone ever been brought in for questioning?  Stop worrying about ruffling rich feathers and start breaking these people down for what they know.  I can do it piece by piece, person by person, 1 question at a time, but they are getting old, forgetting details and losing faith.

thanks
tami tillman